First off, thank you so much for taking the time to respond and share your thoughts in a respectful manner. I appreciate that.

I tend to explain things best in a metaphorical manner. Here’s why now is different to then:

Imagine a Russian scientist and an American comedian were chosen to live together, alone, in the Arctic for some kind of year-long study. They both applied, and they were chosen.

Before the study began, they learned basic language skills to communicate their most basic needs. Then, off they went to their Arctic pod.

They could communicate that they were hungry. They could chat well enough for a game of cards. They could even learn little bits of language, enough to get them by with no real issues.

On a basic level, all of their needs are met. They’ll get through the year just fine. A pat on a back for a good job. A shoulder for a bad day. But what happens when the Comic needs to really have a long talk about missing his family, or how bad they feel about accidentally breaking equipment, or how worried they feel about a sick relative back home? Or the Russian really needs to communicate exactly why they are doing what they are doing, or wants to spend an evening sipping Vodka and singing songs about the Homeland?

What it comes down to is two people who can talk to each other just fine, but communication – real communication, with its inflections and implied understanding – just won’t work. They’ll be thankful to have a partner to go through a year in the Arctic with, but they long to talk to people who just understand them without any effort.

That was me and my ex. While we communicated very well on a base level, we spoke VERY different emotional languages. She had needs I just couldn’t quite understand, and I had needs she couldn’t understand. While nice to have someone to go through life with, ultimately I needed time with people who could just understand me with zero effort. I needed a companion with whom I could share my emotions and feelings with who understood me with very little effort.

That’s the difference between my ex and my current wife. We speak the same language. I feel relieved when I talk to her about things on my mind instead of feeling more frustrated at the end of the talk like I did with my ex.

My ex was a fine partner to “spend a year in the Arctic” with. It was just a lonely experience.