I Fasted for 15 Days and Learned a Lot About Myself
I really enjoy self-experimentation.
There’s just something exciting about embarking on a journey that everyone says is absolutely nuts. It’s extremely rare that I make it to the end of my planned journey, but the adventure isn’t in reaching the destination. It’s the excitement of starting it and the lessons learned during the experiment.
An experiment that fails is not a failed experiment.
I’ve stayed up for 72 hours (hated it). I’ve tried as many hallucinations as I could get my hands on (loved it). I once walked 30 miles in a single day (and learned the importance of really snug underwear).
And yes, I have fasted for 15 days.
I had ultimately set a goal for 30 days, so I barely made it half-way there. Some people would call this a failure, but I felt Isucceeded. I learned so much about myself in those 15 days – lessons that remain with me nine years after the experiment.
When I tell people about my 15-day fast, they usually interject and say, “What… like you ate only at sundown?” Or they will say, “So, what… only broth or vegetables?”
Nope. I drank only water and mostly green tea. At the advice of my doctor – yes, I did this under observation from my doctor – I took a daily mineral and electrolyte supplement to keep my heart pumping. One of the causes of starvation is that your body loses all of its electrolytes, and so your heart can’t get the signals from your brain needed to keep pumping.
That would have been a bad result.
I consumed, essentially, zero calories for 15 days.
Here is my story.
Why I Didn’t Do It
When I started my fast, I was in the best shape I had ever been in my life. I had a very regular, intense gym routine and schedule. I always ate clean. I was very conscious about everything entering my body.
Losing weight was definitely not on any of my lists of reasons to do the fast.
I told very few people I was doing it beforehand. I knew this was going to be a marathon that required a great deal of focus. Having a bunch of people messaging me, egging me on, telling me it was impossible, or being worried and begging me to stop was not something I needed in my headspace going through this journey.
I spoke with a few friends who are either religious scholars or religious leaders because I was interested in their points of view. None of them knew anyone personally who had attempted such a long fast, so they were also interested.
I, however, did not do this as a religious exercise or practice. I am very secretive and quiet about what, if any, religious beliefs I have. Fasting was not done for the sake of any religious belief, though I acknowledge others have fasted for the sake of religion. I was open to others’ reasons and results.
So, I wasn’t doing it to lose weight or to show off. I wasn’t doing it to get closer to G/god. I was doing this solely for myself.
WORD OF WARNING: If you want to lose weight, please do not do a fast this long. What bodyweight I lost during my fast will not be discussed in this article because I don’t feel it’s safe. You will drop weight, but being even slightly in the wrong headspace will cause you to spiral completely out of control. How do I know?
Because it nearly happened to me.
The Lead Up
For the month leading up to my fast, I ate as close to zero grams of carbs daily as I could so my body could be completely adapted to burning fat for fuel. I didn’t want to be in a blood-sugar haze and have intense cravings in the first few days.
I also slowed down my exercise routine. I had no specific reason for this other than breaking a habit. I normally go every single day at 3:00 pm. I needed to get used to staying home more and reserving energy.
Finally, I did as much reading on fasting as I possibly could. People have fasted for many reasons over the history of mankind. In fact, it’s a strange thing that modern humans, by and large, don't fast regularly. I could write an entire essay on the history and uses of fasting, but that’s for someone else’s article.
I wanted to be prepared physically, mentally, and spiritually for what was about to happen to me and my body.
I remember thinking intensely the day before I started about the journey ahead of me, and how I suddenly felt a distinct separation of mind and body. I suddenly felt like merely a passenger in the vessel that was my body.
I was ready.
The First Days
I’m normally a two-cup-a-morning coffee drinker. On the first day, I had hot water.
It’s not my coffee, but it’s not bad.
In my research, I knew the first three days were to be the hardest in terms of hunger pangs. However, being fully fat-adapted, I hardly felt any hunger at all. There were a few points in the day where I would feel a little peckish, but a cup of hot water or hot tea would keep it at bay.
I quickly gained a strong distaste for green tea. I changed to black tea, but I only tried that once. It tasted like dirt, and the caffeine was not welcome.
Ted Lasso is right on the money when he calls it garbage water.
Between the second and third day, my sense of smell became super-hero tier. I could smell the lightest piece of toast being made a few houses over. I could smell every ingredient in a bowl of soup. I could smell a dirty pair of socks in the other room.
Another very strange, and gross, effect of the first few days was that plaque that I didn’t even know I had fell off my teeth and gums.
I brought this up with a religious scholar friend of mine, and he was absolutely amazed. “So, that’s what Amos means!”
He explained that, in the book of Amos, Chapter 4, when God is laying out the hardships he handed down to cities and towns that turned their back on Him, Verse 6 says,
I even gave you clean teeth in all your towns and a shortage of food in all your villages and still you would not come back to me -declares Yahweh.
So, if you have a dental visit coming up, and you are stressed about what the doc will say, you could stop eating for 4–5 days! Tell him Yahweh is your dentist.
The Middle Days
After about 4–5 days, I fell into a new routine. I wasn’t weak at all, so with my doctor’s approval, I went back to the gym. I took it much easier than normal, though.
While my stamina and strength felt normal, I got lightheaded much easier. When I would lift a dumbbell and put it down, I would have to let the stars go away for 15–20 seconds before picking it up again. I intentionally kept my lifting and cardio pace much slower than normal.
Since I wasn’t going balls-to-the-wall and was more mindful of each thing I was doing, I was enjoying my time in the gym! It got me out of the house and made my mind focus on something external for a while a welcome change.
Being around others who ate was an exercise in being in the moment. It felt like an alcoholic being in a bar with friends, taking each moment at a time and focusing on not falling off the wagon. I would order cup after cup of hot water.
I felt like a third wheel during mealtime with family and friends. I started to feel the first pings of negative emotions around abstaining from eating.
The Dark Days
It was in quiet times where the effects of the fast started to really get to me.
I was starting to fully understand how much emotional weight I place on eating meals. It became clearer to me how much of my emotional life revolves around food.
This isn’t a bad thing. It’s how I show, and feel, a major form of love. One of my favorite quotes from Anthony Bourdain illustrates my point:
I feel uncontrollable urges to smother the people I love with food. I’ve become the sort of passive-aggressive yenta or Italian grandmother stereotype from films who’s always urging people, “Eat! Eat!” and sulking inconsolably when they don’t.”
I don’t really see food as an addiction. Well, at least food in and of itself. Fasting for so long taught me that mealtime is a pressure release valve.
It doesn’t matter if I’m eating a pile of cheesy totchos while watching the latest Netflix viral documentary, a five-star meal in the French Quarter of New Orleans during a business trip, or tucking into some pork chops roasted on my grill with my next-door neighbor. Food is a release. It’s a reminder that the world is a good place, that I enjoy it, and that the world enjoys me in it.
Not having this little bit of daily affirmation started to affect me in ways I hadn’t foreseen with a power I hadn’t anticipated.
By the time I had reached Day 10, I was feeling awfully depressed. My body ached – surely from the fast, but I also was feeling the bone-aching that accompanies deep depressive states I have experienced in the past.
I tried to keep my chin up. I continued my exercise. I continued with socializing.
The depression grew with each day. By the end of the 15th day, I had reached the edge of a very dark chasm that made me feel afraid. My soul was withering. My strength in maintaining optimism had finally tapped out.
It was that evening that I decided to uphold my promise to my wife and doctor – that if I began to feel any ill effects I felt would last long after the fast, I would end the experiment.
It was time to end the experiment.
Breaking My Fast, And What I learned
I woke up on the 16th day and made some broth.
It was the most delicious thing I had ever put in my mouth. First of all, it wasn’t fucking tea.
It was the type of delicious where my jaws ached, and it sent shivers down my body. I could only put down about 8 ounces before feeling full.
By lunch, I had an egg and a bit of tuna. I ate a regular dinner, albeit on a very small plate.
The fast was over.
That first dinner – sitting down, talking, enjoying the meal in front of me – was exactly what I needed. The deep depression had completely lifted in just that one day. Eating regular portions came back slowly over the next several days.
Strangely enough, nearly 10 years later, one thing that never really came back was strong hunger pangs. I rarely feel hunger anymore – at least the type of hunger where it feels like death is coming if you don’t get your Crunchwrap Surpreme like now!
I respect my relationship with food on a much deeper level now. Food isn’t the friend with benefits who is willing to make me feel good anytime I want some action.
Well… let’s be honest. It still is that chick. But that chick is kind of on the side now.
Food is my partner. Eating a meal is my therapy. I understand it as much now, and I treat it with a bit of the reverence it deserves. I understand more of its power in my life.
I have learned that there are things in life that you just need. You can go without them for a short while, but too long can be harmful. These same things can hurt you if you depend too much on them, but having a balanced relationship is not only healthy, but necessary.
I’ve learned that it’s possible to separate your mind and the cravings of your body, and that separation is a powerful thing. You may not think you can forego drinking, smoking, going out with your friends, or missing every game of the season, but I can tell you that you can. Will it be fun? No. Will it suck? Yes.
One moment at a time is all it takes.
Finally, I learned the power of self-reflection. Really taking a look at what’s going on, acknowledge it, and accept it.
During the fast, there were times I’d sit still and think of what I was feeling – hunger, aches, lightheadedness, or sadness. I’d just focus on those feelings and, well… feel them, almost enjoy their visit. I didn’t try to mentally diminish them or wish them away. I would acknowledge them and spend time simply feeling their presence in my life at that moment.
That led to deeper looks at who I was as a person. Sometimes an asshole. Sometimes a dreamer. Sometimes a huge nerd. I needed to spend time with that asshole dreamer nerd and acknowledge those parts of me. I didn’t like some of them – just like I didn’t like the aches and hunger – and I needed to make changes.
All it would take is a little effort and a clear vision of where I wanted to go, and nothing could stand in my way.
Life is a constant flow of tests. If you don’t stay present and truly observe yourself during these tests, growth will never happen.
Stagnation is worse than starvation.
I am close to nine years past my fast, and those 15 days turned into a major milestone in my life that I treasure highly. It moved me in ways, and taught me things, I wasn’t anticipating. Rarely do you have 15 days where your direction in life can change in such powerful, positive ways.
Would I recommend anyone to do it themselves? Only if you are in the right frame of mind and are doing it for the right reasons.
As my experience with fasting (and hallucinagens) has taught me, the universe will answer your questions, whether you ask them or not. You better be prepared.
