The Oddities and Outtakes of the Declaration of Independence

The Unexpected Stories of America’s Birth Certificate

JP Brown

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“Who likes to masturbate?” Photo by Gautam Krishnan on Unsplash

In the stories we were told throughout our basic education, the signing of the Declaration of Independence was written and presented in a tableau of reverence and solemnity. The Founding Fathers are immortalized, stoically penning the path to nationhood with every calculated stroke.

But peel back the veil of historical grandeur, and you’ll find a tale of a bunch of people barely knowing what the hell they were doing. There are some amazing truthes behind America’s cherished break-up letter to Britain that rarely get taught by your 11th grade gym coach/history teacher.

The Blunders of Creating a Country

Imagine, if you will, a sweltering Philadelphia summer, 1776. Inside Independence Hall, not yet upgraded with AC, an assembly of extraordinary individuals grappled with extraordinary circumstances. The stakes were as high as the powdered wigs bobbing in heated debate.

Outside, the clamor of a world on the brink of revolution filters through the open windows, adding a constant undercurrent of urgency.

Yet, within these hallowed halls, the making of history was often accompanied by the unmaking of well-laid plans. Delays, debates, blunders, and ego clashes; the Declaration of Independence had it all. The road to American independence was far from straight, and certainly far from perfect.

1. Snail Mail Fails: The Great Declaration Distribution Debacle

Picture this: The Continental Congress, having worked tirelessly on a document that heralded a new nation, now faced the monumental task of dispatching it to the colonies. Without the luxury of hitting ‘send’ on an email or sharing an update on IndependenceBook, they had to rely on the period’s painfully slow postal system.

What resulted was the original ‘snail mail’ debacle.

Weeks crawled by before some colonies received their copies. Weather interruptions, horse fatigue, and the ever-enticing call of the local tavern all contributed to the delay. Fast forward to today’s world, and it would be akin to a vital work email…

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JP Brown

Entrepreneur/business owner (ElopementBiz.com). Lover of the simple things, always questioning why. Committed to truth, not consistency. Twitter.com/mindofjp