The Oddities and Outtakes of the Declaration of Independence

The Unexpected Stories of America’s Birth Certificate

JP Brown
5 min readJun 29, 2023
“Who likes to masturbate?” Photo by Gautam Krishnan on Unsplash

In the stories we were told throughout our basic education, the signing of the Declaration of Independence was written and presented in a tableau of reverence and solemnity. The Founding Fathers are immortalized, stoically penning the path to nationhood with every calculated stroke.

But peel back the veil of historical grandeur, and you’ll find a tale of a bunch of people barely knowing what the hell they were doing. There are some amazing truthes behind America’s cherished break-up letter to Britain that rarely get taught by your 11th grade gym coach/history teacher.

The Blunders of Creating a Country

Imagine, if you will, a sweltering Philadelphia summer, 1776. Inside Independence Hall, not yet upgraded with AC, an assembly of extraordinary individuals grappled with extraordinary circumstances. The stakes were as high as the powdered wigs bobbing in heated debate.

Outside, the clamor of a world on the brink of revolution filters through the open windows, adding a constant undercurrent of urgency.

Yet, within these hallowed halls, the making of history was often accompanied by the unmaking of well-laid plans. Delays, debates…

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JP Brown

Entrepreneur/business owner (ElopementBiz.com). Lover of the simple things, always questioning why. Committed to truth, not consistency. Twitter.com/mindofjp